How can coaching help with our relationships?
As a professional coach I bring my own life experiences into my coaching, which is why every coach is different. Coaching works well as it is a personal, human connection. Therefore, it is so important that you find the right coach for you, someone who you can have a good relationship with. One of the responsibilities I have as a coach is to understand how my experiences effect my coaching practice. Find out more about me here
I recently took part in an amazing Collaborating Conversations with master’s edition by the Association for Coaching with a pioneer in Understanding the Mother-Daughter Relationship Rosjke Hasseldine. She talked of her book, The Mother-Daughter Puzzle which prompted me to reflect on my personal and coaching relationships with everyone who has a mother or is a mother. I am a coach, not a therapist. I am aware of bring my own strengths, my own story into my coaching relationships. I think of my own mother with much love, the greatest respect, understanding and empathy. I remember how our relationship changed once I became a mother myself. I learned how wonderfully rewarding and equally difficult being a mother can be!
Rosjike reminds us that our mothers are part of our story; of who we are and who we become. With centuries of sexism, patriarchy, societal and cultural challenges, I look at our mothers' lives and the things they have been through and think how did they do it? How did they find the strength? Some mothers are silent and stoic as were their mothers before them. This could be seen as a weakness – not getting their own voices heard – but I realise that this is a strength that many mothers have. When it is important for their child they will be heard! And they gift that strength to their children, so you can see your own strengths in your own mother.
We historically see self-neglect in our mothers as they make sacrifices for their children. Untold sacrifices that we know nothing about. Sacrifices that prioritise others over themselves. The sacrifice of not learning about who they are. Never becoming the person they might have been with the education or career they may have had. Our daughters are fortunate not to have some of the same struggles, in education, careers and caring responsibilities that our mothers may have had.
Mothers don’t always have the financial, emotional, and practical resources available to them, with holding down two jobs, being the main carer for their children and extended family. They may be emotionally exhausted and lose their identity, something that rarely happens to fathers. Even reading the bedtime story can be overwhelming – I remember those feelings well. Rosjke remind me that I did the best I could with the resources I had at the time – it’s all any of us can do really, our best. This quote from her book resonated with me.
“When women learn about their mother’s and grandmother’s lives and the emotional reality they lived in, women are learning about themselves. When women honor the sacrifices their mothers and grandmothers have had to make, they are learning about the emotional consequences of sacrifice and the intelligence and creativity that have been lost through centuries of sexism. When women respect the courage, resilience, and wisdom their mothers and grandmothers showed, they are connecting with their own.” “The Mother-Daughter Puzzle” by Rosjke Hasseldine (p.53)
What gifts did your mother give to you?
Give yourself, or your mothers, the gift of being heard, really listened to, without judgement or agenda with the opportunity of coaching. Find out more about my coaching here and get in touch to arrange a complimentary chat.